I’m single by choice?

Single by choice >> I bet you folks hear this term all the time, eh? Personally, I kinda wish I could say these words out loud, but I can’t. why? Because to me this term only exists and works for guys. They can literally be single by choice if they wanted to and felt like it. They’re free to choose which girl to like and pursue and which to not. If they like a girl, they’ll go for it and flirt with them and ask them on dates, and next thing you know, viola, officially an couple! No longer a single. Well the same goes for girls but quite different on the pursuing business. I mean, it’s hard for a girl who has a crush on guy but too afraid or for some other reason can’t tell the lucky boy. Because if we do, guys would think we’re aggressive bimbos and they’d flee far away from our lives. And that would be heartbreaking for us girls. We don’t want that, for sure. So when us girls like a particular someone, we tend to be super careful to make sure that guy doesn’t know how we feel about him. And even if he finds out, we send out innocent signals and secretly hoping he feels the same way and makes the first move. Blah! We on the other hand have to wait for something that might come or not come true. To me, single by choice cannot be applied in my love life. I would rephrase it into “single by waiting for him to make the move, if I’m lucky enough”. Hahaha That’s quite a mouthful. Emancipation my bum, this is one thing I can’t emancipate on. And to be honest, I suck at reading signals. So truth be told, if a guy likes me, I’d rather him tell me straight forward. That’ll save me a lot of energy emotion. hehe

Although, I sometimes wonder how some of my girlfriends find it easy to make a move to a guy first. Either they’re super aggressive, large flashing tits and thighs kind of girl and the guy they’re after happens to like her back, well lucky them (sarcasm intended). I do realize I’m not as pretty as the average girls. I don’t fit the standard at all. Let’s start with my physique, I’m quite tall and very thin, I don’t have long hair, my nose is unbelievably wide yet small at the same time, I have huge poppy eyes, my teeth are quite crooked and my gums race my teeth, I wear glasses that reminds you a bit of Lisa Loeb, in a subtle way. I don’t dress in “it” clothings. What are “it” clothings? Let me give you the big picture >> tight colorful printed t-shirts/cardigans, sandals from VNC or those branded sandals, (fake) colorful Longchamp handbags and basically everything that is trendy at the moment! I wear what I wear. Hehe Doesn’t explain much, eh? My friends say I dress in my own way, my personality. Danang, a guy friend of mine, once told the guys that I dress “so Dinda” (whatever that means) and that if I were dressed like the “trendy” girls, I wouldn’t look good and I wouldn’t be “Dinda”. I am trendy in my own personal way. Geez, when he said that he told our friends this, I blushed lobster red. Thank God it was by phone, so he couldn’t see how embarrassed I was. Hehehe My family and friends do describe my style as artsy. Hehehe (blush alert!!)

Ooh, you how animal print is such a fad these days and almost everywhere you look, there’s always a girl (or guy) that is wearing something animal print? Well my mum’s had this brown/black leopard print since ages ago, since I were still on elementary school to be exact, and I wore them frequently until Mary-Kate Olsen appeared on magazines wearing leopard print scarves! Girls have been wearing them since! Fudge, I became an ordinary amongst the ocean of fashion victims. Holy crap… It’s okay to follow trends, but some girls force them too much that they look horrible.

Well, any way, I do realize I am different from other girls. I’m often described as “autistic” (bad choice of nickname, lads) by almost ALL of my friends. I don’t listen to friggin Justin Bieber (did I spell it correct?), Pittbull or those mainstream stuff, I didn’t even watch Twilight series! I listen to Sigur Ros, Explosions In The Sky, Radiohead, M83, Of Montreal, Belle and Sebastian, The Smiths and other stuffs. I watch movies like Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, Almost Famous, The Fountain, Amelie, Donnie Darko, Star Wars, and movies that my friends haven’t even heard of. I dress in skinny jeans (this trend, I follow), loose tees, leggings, striped t-shirts, Converse and boots (I sound normal but what till you see how I actually dress). I collect Star Wars collectables and other unbelievable things. Another guy friend, a junior of mine, told me” it’s okay to dress the way you dress, think the way you think because you’re unique. So what, if you don’t fit the standard, it’s okay. Guy(s) that will fall for you are the ones that are smart and really look beyond physical beauty. Although it may be quite a challenge to find one. Hehehe” Okay, that was a mood booster and a mood bummer at the same time. Thanks Reza Alqadri. Hahaha

So back to the single by choice thingy, not only am I a girl that has difficulty telling or at least signaling a guy that I adore him, I also happen to be “different”. Great. This is making my love life even harder than it already is. Hahaha I remember a quote “a secret crush is a secret heartbreak”, man that just stabbed me right on the chest! If I like a guy, I’d only have the choice of, either have the heartbreak or just simply let it fade. Because like I said, we girls don’t have the full luxury of chasing a guy, all we do is wait and see. Wait for him to read our bashful signals and see if he’ll make the first move. That is if we’re lucky enough! I wouldn’t want a “wait in vain and see him flirting and going steady with another girl”! Aaaaaargh… that’ll be awful.

behold, me! ;P